That's it! I'm quitting Facebook!!

I have heard this statement time and time again: "That's it!! I am done with Facebook! As of so and such date, I will be deleting my profile." And so they disappear...only to reappear in days, or weeks after a much needed break.

As many faithful Counseling Corner followers know, I am an avid Social Networker. One MIGHT even say addicted. (But I won't admit to that!). Some ask me why I am so active and even laugh about my posts. My uncle recently told me that he doesn't read all the crap I post on Facebook. I actively maintain a Twitter account, THREE Facebook accounts (one personal, one professional page and I am an administrator of my work's page as well), LinkedIn, Google+, Counseling Corner, Pinterest, Etsy, and about 6 different email accounts (and I'm sure I'm forgetting something).  I'll bet you wonder if I even sleep....

I originally joined Facebook, reluctantly, in order to stay connected to family and friends across the world, many of whom are serving in the military. Facebook has been an invaluable tool to keep up with what is happening in their lives, as well as the lives of my children and, now, grandchildren. In the process, I have reconnected with many of my friends and acquaintances from school and have repeatedly had the world get smaller and smaller when I discovered that two of my (seemingly unrelated) friends know each other! And that's just plain fun. In my professional life, networking is just that, an opportunity to branch out, market myself, and maintain a public presence.

I am here to tell you how you can use Social Media to 1) stay in touch with family and friends, 2) express your individuality and creativity, 3) network and market your (business, jewelry, Blog, etc), 4) have a great time and laugh every day.  All this? Yes, and even learn how to manage your time so that you can still actually have a life.  Do you need to cancel your Facebook and denounce Twitter? No.  Do you need to have a simple strategy and some self control?  Absolutely.  Read on....

1. Social media is a choice. Plain and simple. If you don't want to use it, don't.  You will experience peer pressure and ridicule (just kidding), but you have the right to say no. It's a personal decision.  Additionally, your level of involvement is also your own choice. People tell me all the time they are keeping up with me on Facebook, and I never see them post a thing.  You can have as many, or as few, connections as you'd like.

2.  It is increasingly important to learn about what you are using. So many people become frustrated when they feel that Facebook is invading their privacy.  Simple knowledge about privacy settings can make all the difference.  I have heard people say "Facebook posted this and such.".  SOCIAL NETWORKING, people. It's the whole point. Educate yourself about privacy settings and how to protect your photos, and personal information.  

3. Set aside time each day to check your accounts. So many of us hit that refresh button every 3 minutes to see if any new emails came in, or if there are any new posts. This type of thing can be the biggest time killer and each time you change your focus to check, you have lost several minutes of productivity. To easily train yourself, you will have to have discipline at first. As silly as it sounds, develop a strategy and plan. (for example, I will only check Facebook at lunch one time, and not for the rest of the work day. Or, set a timer for yourself with regard to checking email, one per hour, or some other scheduled time frame).  You will be shocked at how easy it is and how rewarded you will feel.

4. Turn off the computer (What? Did I just say that? yes, STEP AWAY FROM THAT MOUSE!). Decide each day what scheduled time you will spend online. And then, TURN IT OFF.  This will allow you to spend some actual face to face time with your family and friends. Go have a life that you can post on your status or tweet about tomorrow.

5.  If you are feeling burned out on social media, it's perfectly fine to take a break. Sometimes we become very enmeshed in what is happening in our online world, and its inevitable that drama will ensue.  Just "click and close". It will be there tomorrow, next week or next month when you come back.  I occasionally find that I am awake at 3am checking email. If you do this, the answer is simple: Keep your phone out of reach of the bed. Sleep is important, folks.

6.  Along the same lines as 5. above, do not play out personal issues or drama on social media. Many folks post every personal argument and issue they have with their family and friends.  These generally become the people who make the statement that is the title of this Blog. Keep your personal business, well, personal. In fact, if you MUST post personal things, there are ways to designate a core group to share those issues with (if you want to know how, ask me). Your coworkers and boss don't need to know about the fight you had with Sally last night at the club.

7. People who post on Facebook or Twitter can be extremely negative, or totally positive about everything. Some people say they feel bad about their own lives because everyone on Facebook is so awesome, beautiful, blessed and happy.  Keep in mind that out of 24 hours, people post ONE THING that happened that day. I am always glad to see people happy and posting positive things.  That does not mean they don't have the same troubles and concerns that we all have. They just don't dwell on them.... Good for them.

8. Keep it in perspective. There are much more important things in life than Social Networking. Family, Friends, Pets and actually getting outside in the sunshine from time to time. The Internet and all sites are there are out entertainment and networking. Don't forget to live.

9. Finally, use responsibly. Remember, what goes on the Internet stays there. More and more, prospective employers, and even colleges are using Google to find out about you. Go ahead, open a new browser window and Google yourself. You may be surprised. You can't take it back once it's out there. Be cautious but not paranoid. It can be a good thing if you use it correctly. 

As always, I am happy to be able to provide this valuable information to you.  If you are having difficulty with moderation, or with any of life's challenges, there is help available.  ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!!

Social Networking for Dummies, AKA How to stay safe and protect your family in the Internet age

In my roles as both a psychologist and as a parent, I am often faced with the difficult question of "to facebook or not to facebook".  I am one of the brave ones. I have many many co-workers, colleagues and friends who are parents, who say "No way...I'm not putting MY business out there for anyone to read".  They have a point... but the Internet is a reality, and it's not going away. I am here to tell you, SO FAR SO GOOD. To date, this experiment has not blown up in my face, and you are now reading this blog because I took the risk.

As a 40-something, Generation X-er who did not grow up texting, and did not have my first 286 IBM compatible computer with Prodigy Internet (with a dial-up modem) until I was out of high school, the world of texting, Internet and, now, social networking, was initially a scary and ominous place.  Coupled with being a professional (teacher, doctor, psychologist, therapist, etc), needing to have a professional life with clear boundaries for my patients, but also having family and friends scattered across the globe, this created quite a dilemma for me.  So, I decided to plunge headfirst into the world of the "Interwebs" and the first thing to do my father taught me: arm yourself with education and knowledge.

The most important thing to remember when you turn on your computer and link to the Internet is that anything you put out there is really OUT THERE. You cannot delete things from the Internet.  Pictures, posts, video... no turning back.  If you Google yourself (go ahead, try it) you might be surprised about what you find already out there without your even trying. Imagine if you made a REAL effort to get your name out there? The possibilities are limitless. From a marketing point of view, the Web is brilliant.  Personally, it comes with a great deal of responsibility.

Here are some important things to consider when you, or your family members use social networking sites:

Facebook

• a social networking site that was originally created for college students
• minimum age for joining Facebook is 14 without parental permission (in fact there is a law prohibiting the collection of personal information for children under 13 without parental permission!)
• 500 million users worldwide
• users can choose privacy options, but many have trouble finding these or setting them properly (if you have trouble with this, as someone who knows, it is critical to safeguard pictures and personal information)
• facebook has had some difficulties with privacy practices and breaches have been reported in the news
• Pictures, notes, and other posts can be read by anyone with access

Twitter

• 140 character "tweets" can be sent that give brief information
• not as popular as facebook, but can give "real time" updates and let people know your whereabouts

You Tube

• users can post video, especially risky for teens who post themselves
• content can be removed or protected, but is still at risk for copying and exploitation

MySpace

• Social networking site used a great deal for musical groups
• Minimum age is 14 without parental consent
• Any one under the age of 18 is automatically set to a "private" setting, where their "friend" must know them and their email address to link with them
• Pictures, posts and "bulletins" can be send to everyone in their network

Just remember, all of these sites can be great ways to stay in touch, but they also come with a great deal of responsibility.  I know that some parents out there will disagree with me about this, and the decision to use or not use these sites is one you must make with your family individually.  In addition, there are social networking sites that specifically target children and are kid-friendly.  If you choose to use social media, here are some tips for parents:

1.  Set the ground rules for texting, computer use, and social networking - clear guidelines and consequences for infractions will let your kids know up front what the expectations are, and what will happen if they break the rules.

2. Friend your kid - if they are on facebook, you are on facebook. Doesn't mean you have to publicly comment on everything they say, just be present and keep your eyes open. This can help detect any strangers who your child does not know personally, or can be aware of any cyberbullying that is occurring.  You can also stay on top of what pictures and information they are sharing. 

3. Be a good role model - If you have social networking accounts, use good judgement so your kids can see what it "should" look like. Do not post personal information, cursing or lewd jokes, or inappropriate pictures.

4. If you sense something is wrong, ask questions and LISTEN TO YOUR KID! - The first thing many parents do it say "That's it, no more facebook." or "I am taking your phone".  To a teenager, this feels like social isolation. The best thing to do is develop open lines of communication and use these situations as a teaching opportunity.  I am not saying that there should not be consequences - just "respond" instead of "react".

Arming yourself with knowledge and learning how these sites work is the best defense. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I know that I only scratched the surface in this blog. And please remember, help is always available if you or your child is struggling. ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!