That's it! I'm quitting Facebook!!

I have heard this statement time and time again: "That's it!! I am done with Facebook! As of so and such date, I will be deleting my profile." And so they disappear...only to reappear in days, or weeks after a much needed break.

As many faithful Counseling Corner followers know, I am an avid Social Networker. One MIGHT even say addicted. (But I won't admit to that!). Some ask me why I am so active and even laugh about my posts. My uncle recently told me that he doesn't read all the crap I post on Facebook. I actively maintain a Twitter account, THREE Facebook accounts (one personal, one professional page and I am an administrator of my work's page as well), LinkedIn, Google+, Counseling Corner, Pinterest, Etsy, and about 6 different email accounts (and I'm sure I'm forgetting something).  I'll bet you wonder if I even sleep....

I originally joined Facebook, reluctantly, in order to stay connected to family and friends across the world, many of whom are serving in the military. Facebook has been an invaluable tool to keep up with what is happening in their lives, as well as the lives of my children and, now, grandchildren. In the process, I have reconnected with many of my friends and acquaintances from school and have repeatedly had the world get smaller and smaller when I discovered that two of my (seemingly unrelated) friends know each other! And that's just plain fun. In my professional life, networking is just that, an opportunity to branch out, market myself, and maintain a public presence.

I am here to tell you how you can use Social Media to 1) stay in touch with family and friends, 2) express your individuality and creativity, 3) network and market your (business, jewelry, Blog, etc), 4) have a great time and laugh every day.  All this? Yes, and even learn how to manage your time so that you can still actually have a life.  Do you need to cancel your Facebook and denounce Twitter? No.  Do you need to have a simple strategy and some self control?  Absolutely.  Read on....

1. Social media is a choice. Plain and simple. If you don't want to use it, don't.  You will experience peer pressure and ridicule (just kidding), but you have the right to say no. It's a personal decision.  Additionally, your level of involvement is also your own choice. People tell me all the time they are keeping up with me on Facebook, and I never see them post a thing.  You can have as many, or as few, connections as you'd like.

2.  It is increasingly important to learn about what you are using. So many people become frustrated when they feel that Facebook is invading their privacy.  Simple knowledge about privacy settings can make all the difference.  I have heard people say "Facebook posted this and such.".  SOCIAL NETWORKING, people. It's the whole point. Educate yourself about privacy settings and how to protect your photos, and personal information.  

3. Set aside time each day to check your accounts. So many of us hit that refresh button every 3 minutes to see if any new emails came in, or if there are any new posts. This type of thing can be the biggest time killer and each time you change your focus to check, you have lost several minutes of productivity. To easily train yourself, you will have to have discipline at first. As silly as it sounds, develop a strategy and plan. (for example, I will only check Facebook at lunch one time, and not for the rest of the work day. Or, set a timer for yourself with regard to checking email, one per hour, or some other scheduled time frame).  You will be shocked at how easy it is and how rewarded you will feel.

4. Turn off the computer (What? Did I just say that? yes, STEP AWAY FROM THAT MOUSE!). Decide each day what scheduled time you will spend online. And then, TURN IT OFF.  This will allow you to spend some actual face to face time with your family and friends. Go have a life that you can post on your status or tweet about tomorrow.

5.  If you are feeling burned out on social media, it's perfectly fine to take a break. Sometimes we become very enmeshed in what is happening in our online world, and its inevitable that drama will ensue.  Just "click and close". It will be there tomorrow, next week or next month when you come back.  I occasionally find that I am awake at 3am checking email. If you do this, the answer is simple: Keep your phone out of reach of the bed. Sleep is important, folks.

6.  Along the same lines as 5. above, do not play out personal issues or drama on social media. Many folks post every personal argument and issue they have with their family and friends.  These generally become the people who make the statement that is the title of this Blog. Keep your personal business, well, personal. In fact, if you MUST post personal things, there are ways to designate a core group to share those issues with (if you want to know how, ask me). Your coworkers and boss don't need to know about the fight you had with Sally last night at the club.

7. People who post on Facebook or Twitter can be extremely negative, or totally positive about everything. Some people say they feel bad about their own lives because everyone on Facebook is so awesome, beautiful, blessed and happy.  Keep in mind that out of 24 hours, people post ONE THING that happened that day. I am always glad to see people happy and posting positive things.  That does not mean they don't have the same troubles and concerns that we all have. They just don't dwell on them.... Good for them.

8. Keep it in perspective. There are much more important things in life than Social Networking. Family, Friends, Pets and actually getting outside in the sunshine from time to time. The Internet and all sites are there are out entertainment and networking. Don't forget to live.

9. Finally, use responsibly. Remember, what goes on the Internet stays there. More and more, prospective employers, and even colleges are using Google to find out about you. Go ahead, open a new browser window and Google yourself. You may be surprised. You can't take it back once it's out there. Be cautious but not paranoid. It can be a good thing if you use it correctly. 

As always, I am happy to be able to provide this valuable information to you.  If you are having difficulty with moderation, or with any of life's challenges, there is help available.  ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!!

It's 9:15, do you know where YOUR kid is?

Of course I do, she's sitting right here. On her laptop, Facebooking.  But you may not know as much as you think.  Read on...

In January, 15 year old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley, Massachusetts, entered the national spotlight when she committed suicide, it raised a multitude of questions about bullying. How can this happen? Where were the adults? Why didn't anybody DO something?   Others took the another view; come one, it's just kids! Kids will be kids...hey, I was bullied and I never tried to kill myself! Phoebe's story was a sad one. A teenager who suffered for months of constant bullying. On May 3, 2010, anti-bullying laws were passed in Massachusetts. But not soon enough to help Phoebe.

The reality is, there are many factors that contribute to a person making the forever decision to end their life. Phoebe's death was surely tragic and unnecessary.  But this blog is not about suicide prevention. That will be a topic for another day.  What reading this story really made me think long and hard about, is bullying. And the new and horrible ways kids are using technology to bully each other. 

Teens are sometimes the most difficult group to engage in psychotherapy, especially if they didn't ask for help.  I often acknowledge to them that I would not go back to being in high school for "a million bucks" and that they have it so much harder than my generation did when I was in school. Yes, bullying was around when I went to Spring-Ford High School in the 80s.  To be honest, I encountered bullying first hand when I was in 10th grade, when a group of older girls bullied me for - well, I am still not sure why.  I am one of the lucky ones. With the help of my parents and the school, I was able to work things out and it didn't last.  I can't imagine having this day in- day out and having to cope with that type of rejection. And I can't imagine the pain that Phoebe Prince was feeling the day she ended her life.

Being a kid today is tough. Plain and simple. 

The latest generation of kids has found ways to use the latest technology to engage in bullying. This relatively new phenomenon is called, aptly, "cyberbullying".  If you think it's not a problem, think again.

Here's how it happens:  According to the National Organization for Victim's Assistance (NOVA) reports that "kids will commonly send hurtful text messages to others or spread rumors using cell phones or computers. Kids have also created web pages or profile pages on social networking sites making fun of others. With cell phones, adolescents have taken pictures in a bedroom, a bathroom, or other locations where privacy is expected, and posted or distributed them online. More recently, some have recorded unauthorized videos of other kids (or adults) and uploaded them for the world to see, rate, tag, and discuss." Cyberbullying can take a heavy toll on kids. Research has shown that it can affect self-esteem, and can cause kids to feel sad, angry and afraid and embarrassed. Here are some things to consider:

According to NOVA, a child or teenager may be a victim if he or she:

• unexpectedly stops using the computer;
• appears nervous or jumpy when an instant message or email appears;
• appears uneasy about going to school or outside in general;
• appears to be angry, depressed, or frustrated after using the computer;
• avoids discussions about what they are doing on the computer;
• or becomes abnormally withdrawn from usual friends and family members.

A child or teenager may be a cyberbully if he or she:

• quickly switches screens or closes programs when you walk by;
• gets unusually upset if computer privileges are reduced;
• avoids discussions about what they are doing on the computer;
• or appears to be using multiple online accounts (or an account that is not their own).

In general, if your child acts in ways that are inconsistent with their usual behavior when using the computer, it's very important to ask questions and find out WHY.

In order to prevent cyberbullying:

• If your kids are using the Internet, you must educate them about appropriate online behaviors (and kids must follow the rules)
• Monitor their activities while online. If your kid is on Facebook, you'd better be one of their Facebook friends! (or have a close family member do it) in order to monitor their activity.
• In addition, you can use an "Internet Use Contract" and/or a "Cell Phone Use Contract"  (I have posted the links below) to lay out the rules and expectations. 
• Kids need to learn that inappropriate online actions will not be tolerated. If they break the rules, follow though on the consequences
• If you discover that your child is cyberbullying others (yes, it could happen), be sure to let your child know how their behavior affects others whether it is the "real world" or in "cyberspace". The anonymity of the Internet often allows people to do/say things they would not say in a face to face interaction. 
• Firmly enforce consequences; structure is how kids learn the boundaries!
• If an incident was particularly serious, you may want to install tracking or filtering software as a consequence.
• Moving forward, it is essential to pay even greater attention to the Internet and cell phone activities of your kids to make sure that they have internalized the lesson and are acting in responsible ways.

Don't be afraid to ask for help!

To visit the National Organization for Victims' Assistance (NOVA) website rergarding Cyberbullying, use the link:  http://www.trynova.org/victiminfo/readings/cyberbullying.html

To download the cell phone use contract and the Internet use contract, use the links below:
http://www.cyberbullying.us/cyberbullying_cell_phone_contract.pdf

http://www.cyberbullying.us/cyberbullying_Internet_use_contract.pdf