Counseling Corner: My country can beat your country....how Independence Day, 9/11 and the World Cup brings us together.

USA! USA! USA!   The crowd chants, flags are flying, faces painted red, white and blue - the hope of a nation rests on the USA Soccer team....People line the street, decked out their red-white and blue, an elderly man marches proudly, a War World I Veteran, whose original Navy crackerjack blues still seem to fit after all these years.  The crowd stands in honor and applauds heartily, thanking him for his service to our nation......

In OUR town, the 4th of July parade is a local staple. Even thinking back to when I was a kid, and lived in a neighboring town, people from all around came to High Street in Pottstown, PA, to watch the parade, wave their flags, and show their pride in the USA. This annual tradition varies very little from year to year, but holds profound meaning for those who attend. The festivities are capped off with a very nice fireworks display, signifying "the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air". We feel pride, excitement and hope when we participate in this yearly ritual. I often shed a tear or two, especially when I see the war veterans in the parade and hear the bagpipes.  We fight the crowds, walk a mile, sometimes in the rain - uphill BOTH WAYS - but it is soooo worth it.

As my husband and I walked among the crowd this morning at the parade, I felt that familiar sense of pride, and a kinship with hundreds of people I do not know.  We are there for one reason - to celebrate our country's independence, to remind ourselves that we are a community, and to pass these traditions on to our children.  We remember that we are allowed to have such a parade because many gave their lives. we should not take this for granted. 

This morning, we took many photographs, to commemorate this day, and I have included several through this blog. The parade was fairly typical, the countless fire companies who participate (THANK YOU, FIREMEN!!), the Little League, and the giant duck, the steam calliope...the parade is predictable and provides a sense of continuity and safety. We know what to expect and we love it. It is OUR parade.

Today is about pride, and it is also about patriotism.  Patriotism is defined in Webster's Online Dictionary as "love or devotion for one's country". Michael J. Bader in his article "The Psychology of Patriotism" (http://www.democraticdialogue.com/DDpdfs/PDKBader.pdf) states that "Patriotism can be a force for good or for evil".  When I think about patriotism, I also reflect on other events as well...The World Cup, The Olympic Games, and the tragic events of 9/11.  These events bring us together as a nation, and we have a common sense of pride, belonging, and, especially in the case of 9/11, defensiveness. We have seen patriotism pull our nation together, as we did  in the days and weeks following 9/11/01. We have also seen the patriotism of other nations turn evil, as we witnessed the planes hitting the twin towers or in the case of Hitler in Nazi Germany.

But why patriotism and how does it work? Abraham Maslow defined a "hierarchy of needs", which included physiological needs, safety needs, need for belonging, esteem needs, and self-actualization.  Our safety needs and our need for belonging cause us to want to defend ourselves, our families, and ultimately, our country, and we do this in groups...parades, parties, vigils, or marches, because we need to feel a kinship with other like-minded individuals. Bader compares this patriotism to a family. We need to feel that sense of attachment and we also project our need for parental authority.  This was best seen through the Hurricane Katrina disaster, when people looked to their government for answers and assistance. Through patriotism, we have a sense of "we" that combats the isolation and loneliness that is so common in our modern society.

One aspect of Independence Day that we sometimes forget in the midst of all the parades, barbecues and fireworks, are the men and women who are serving in the armed forces around the world, those who have made the ultimate sacrifice so that we can "let freedom ring", and the families who are left behind. The American Psychological Association discusses important aspects of this on their website (http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/military-support.aspx). I have been a military spouse myself, and know firsthand the loneliness that can often arise on a day such as the Fourth of July.  My step-son is currently serving in Japan, and my son-in-law spent most of 2009 in Operation Iraqi Freedom.  To both of these young men in my life, and the thousands I do not know, I thank you. Because of you, I am flying my flag proudly today.

*Photos by Michael Herrigel

Rage on the Road: Does Counting to 10 Really Work?

The typical day: I am making my typical drive down Route 422 between Armand Hammer Boulevard and King of Prussia, I reach the Collegeville/Phoenixville area, and the brake lights come on. Traffic. Sigh. Inevitably there are other drivers who tailgate, and when I leave the suggested amount car lengths between my car and the vehicle in front of me, someone cuts in front of me. I feel my heart rate increase, and my hands clench the steering wheel...Deep Breath...Deep Breath.


This scene is, no doubt, repeated in thousands of vehicles every day. The reaction to this scenario varies from person to person, but the fact remains that there are many who cannot cope with the stress of congested traffic or other daily sources of stress. The issue was thrust into the spotlight last week when John Andrew Yannarel shot a woman on Route 422, triggering a chain of events that ultimately led to his suicide. This incident highlights the phenomenon of "road-rage," a state that can bring even the most calm and patient driver to behave in uncharacteristic ways. In fact, many high-anger drivers identify themselves as aggressive drivers or road-rage junkies, engaging in yelling profanities, honking their horn wildly, making obscene gestures, or driving erratically, weaving in and out of traffic.


Unfortunately, for John Yannarell, other issues may have compounded this tendency, and exaggerated what, for many, would simply be a long drive on Route 422. In Yannarell's case, alleged pre-existing issues involving anger and substance abuse may have contributed to his extreme emotional reaction when faced with a high stress situation. The bad news is that there are other drivers on the road who are less-than-courteous and behave badly. The good news is that relaxation and changing the way we view stress can help decrease the effects of this stress on drivers.


Here are some simple relaxation tips that you can do every day to help decrease the effect of stress....


1. Decrease the likelihood of becoming stressed by taking proactive strategies to lessen your odds of becoming stressed. For example, be sure your car has enough gas, you've had enough sleep, a good breakfast, and you leave in ample time so you are not stressed about missing that 9am meeting. If you are on "E" and were up half the night working on a proposal, your mental energy is low, and you are more likely to become angry when that person cuts you off.


2. Bring something along that you enjoy, such as books on tape or your favorite music. When the traffic backs up, switch over to calm and soothing music.


3. Research shows that taking that deep breathe really does decrease the level of agitation you feel when you are angry. When we are agitated, we have what is known as a "fight or flight" response. When you are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, you can't do either. When explaining this to patients, I often liken this to our primitive reflex to flee when faced with a saber-toothed tiger. On 422, there is no tiger to fight, and no way out.


4. Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help lessen the tension we feel, decreasing headaches and sore muscles resulting from tension. I often don't realize that my shoulders are up next to my ears until I take a deep breath and release my shoulders.


5. Substance abuse or untreated emotional issues can cause us to react in extreme ways. If you are having trouble managing your anger or other emotions, ask for help.