Tips for Talking to Kids about Violence...

This is a re-publish of a blog originally posted in 2012

I remember clearly the day the world changed, I was working, it was a beautiful, clear day. And the sky fell.  I was at work in a group home, and all of us were glued to the television set, watching the events unfold. We even saw the second tower fall.  At some point during the day, I became aware that as we were watching the news, so would our clients be watching when they returned from work. And very soon, the televisions were turned off.

 Raising children is one of the most difficult, but most rewarding challenges you will ever have. Events like those Saturday don't make our jobs any easier for us.   In today's world, this awesome responsibility can be full of confusing, and often tragic lessons. Further, when we hear that one of the victims is a child, it leaves us with a sinking feeling. For our own children, such events can often leave them feeling even more frightened and confused, and also leaves them with questions. As parents, we wonder what to say, how much to tell them, and what words to use. It's a delicate balance between giving accurate and truthful information, and refraining from scaring or alarming children. You must constantly monitor your child's emotional reaction and ensure that you provide feelings of safety.

This blog is not intended to diagnose or to speculate on the politics or mental health issues that fuel anger and violence.  It is intended to give parents concrete information to help them, and their children, cope with the aftermath of such violence.

Children often ask tough questions, and as children see stories on television and hear about violence, terrorism, natural disasters, etc., these are the most difficult to address as parents. After all, how do you explain Jihad to your 5 year old or assassination attempts to your third grader?  Added to this dilemma is the often graphic and detailed nature of the news reports, and images that are seen on television. 

When discussing acts of violence it is crucial to keep several basic guidelines in mind:

First and foremost, open the lines of communication with your child early on, so that they feel comfortable coming to you when they have questions;

• Know what your child is seeing on TV, hearing on the radio, and reading in the newspaper and online. Remember that just because your child does not watch CNN or Fox News, doesn't mean they are not exposed. The home pages of Yahoo and other popular sites have headlines displayed prominently.
• Remember that watching the news is an enticing as sneaking an R rated movie. It has it all, sex, violence, action, and drama that the latest box office hit is advertising. You can decide what your child is viewing, and this includes the news they see.
• Watch the news (and other shows) WITH your kids. This way you will know exactly when they are seeing, and will be readily available to answer questions or calm their fears.
• Be sure that you talk with them about what you, and they, see and hear.  This will also help the lines of communication stay open. Be sure that your kids know they can come back later and ask if they have questions.
• Since parents are the ones to teach values and morals, it's ok to let them see how you feel about it. Dont' be overly emotional, but it's ok to share feelings such as "I feel very sad or angry that someone hurt a child".
• Listen! (nuff said?)
• And then listen some more. It's important for kids to have a platform to share their feelings and thoughts about how they feel. Don't interrupt them or try to cut them off to avoid uncomfortable questions or discussions. It's part of the job.
• Provide reassurance to your child about their safety. Say things such as "I know this is scary, but I will do everything I can to make sure you are safe".
• Teach kids to be safe without being alarmist. Teaching them basic skills such as locking doors, not talking to strangers, not giving out personal information online and avoiding dangerous situations can go a long way to help them feel like an active participant in their safety.
• Turn off and tune out.  Go outside and play, stay in and watch Shrek, or play a family game.  I know that in the days following 9-11, I found the need to turn off the television, go for a walk and listen to my favorite music. While I felt somewhat guilty about doing so (after all, the victims, first responders and families couldn't tune out), it is so important to realize that while we always remember, and always stay alert to the world, we must go on.
• Ask for help. If you or your child is having a difficult time handing the aftermath of a tragedy, please remember that HELP is available. 

Nuts and Bolts Series: The Elements of Change

Here is a reprint of a blog I wrote last year....enjoy.

 Nuts and Bolts Series: The Elements of Change

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author Unknown

"Can people really change"?
I invariably answer the question the same way. I believe everyone has the ability to change and grow under the ideal circumstance and with the right approach.

My philosophy and approach to therapy is a practical one, in which the client and therapist partner together to identify strengths, clarify goals, and develop a plan to achieve those goals. Therapy is not something that is administered, the way a medical doctor administers a medicine. It is a journey that one undertakes, a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness that cannot be rivaled. Understanding yourself, and engaging in self-examination, can be one of the most rewarding, and also scariest, tasks of your life. But, as poet Robert Frost states in his work A Servant to Servant "The best way out is always through" - you must take an honest look inside yourself to move forward.

So, what are the elements of change? Obviously these vary from person to person, but we can look at them in three main categories:  Insight, Motivation, and a Tour Guide. Let's look at these one by one:

Insight

In my therapy practice, I often hear a common theme, "My life isn't working", "I am not happy", "I am stuck".  One of the firsts tasks in therapy is to find out what's wrong, what works well, and to begin to  identify goals of therapy.  Insight is a key component of this process. Insight is understanding the specific cause of impact of a certain situation or behavior. For example, a person with low self-esteem may realize that they feel poorly about themselves because they were always put down by a parent. This past hurt has carried over into their feelings and beliefs about themselves in the present day.   Understanding this process is the first step at improving the way we feel about ourselves, and the first step in the journey of changing our lives.

Motivation

Motivation is the desire or interest in doing something. Without motivation, we would not get out of bed, go to work or accomplish our goals. The motivation to change and grow is an important key to therapy. I often hear clients discuss their problems, without real motivation to change. Change is hard, it often hurts, and it's work every bit of the pain to becoming the person you want to be. Patients sometimes realize they have negative patterns or habits in their lives, or they have past hurts they need to heal, but the lack the commitment and motivation to attend therapy sessions or do the hard work that entails.  This is similar to enrolling in a class, but not doing any of the work, and having poor attendance to boot! You won't get your money's worth and certainly won't learn as much as you want.

Tour Guide (aka Psychologist)

The last component to lasting change is someone who has the skills, expertise, compassion and training to serve as your guide in this process. Like the Sherpa who guides the mountain climber at the highest reaches of the Himalayas, the Psychologists uses their knowledge, education, training and intuition to help clients unlock their hidden potential and guides them in solving their life's mysteries.

Different mental health professional have different levels of education, training and experience. Psychologists are often doctoral level professionals, and have the highest level of education and training, often with an internship and research experience. In addition, psychologists have the experience and training to do psychological assessment and testing, such as IQ testing. Other mental health workers, such as licensed social workers, or licensed professional counselors, have a Master's degree and have supervised experience in counseling. Other non licensed professional act as life coaches or executive coaches and often have a certificate and training in coaching.

If you are interested in the exciting process of therapy and self awareness, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!!!

Michelle Herrigel is a licensed psychologists in Northeast PA, serving adolescents, adults and families with a variety of concerns. She currently practices therapy in her Mountainhome, PA office. For more info, or to schedule an appointment, please see her contact info by viewing her profile or contact her at michelleherrigel@gmail.com.




If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

Teaching Children to be Kind in the Face of a Violent World

Teaching our kids to be better, kinder people.

It’s a simple concept. One that you can’t deny is the goal of ANY good parent. Nobody ever has children and says “Hey, I think I’ll really screw this one up”.  In spite of this, we continue to witness random (or not-so-random) acts of violence and aggression.  Is it parenting? Society? TV violence? Interactive, first person shooter games? The breakdown of the family? Polarization of political views and religions?

 

At any rate, maybe it’s a combination of these elements that have come together to form a “perfect storm” of conditions that have taken away our compassion, empathy and caring about others.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there are a lot of good people out there. Lots of em. And someone pointed out that there were way more people running to the scene of the bombing to help, than probably perpetrated this horrific event. I believe that there may be some fundamental parenting strategies that can help kids learn the right values, maintain their compassion, and teach them empathy. 

 Here are some basics that we can use everyday to teach kids to care:

1. Talk to your child! Let them know it’s important to you that they be a care, kind, helpful person. Explain things in simple language and be brief. DO NOT LECTURE!!
2. When your child does something nice, helpful or compassionate, tell them you noticed and praise them!!
3. If you child does something mean, hurtful or violent, let them know this is not acceptable and what acceptable behavior you expect from them. Explain what they did that was inappropriate or hurtful, in simple language. Identify the behavior as being wrong, not that they are wrong. For example say “It was not nice to take Joey’s toy.” Instead of “You are not very nice”.
4. Limit exposure to extremely violent programming and games. Yes, it really does matter. Be sure your child has a lot of creative outlets and stimulating, positive activity. Especially physical activity and reading nonviolent material!
5. Teach your child to be a helper.
6.  The single most important thing you can do to teach your child is walk the walk. Being a good role model cannot be overstated, and children see and hear everything you say and do. Even if you think they don’t.

When events occur such as the Boston bombings, we have to sit down with our kids and have honest and frank discussions about them. Ensure they know you care and that you will do everything you can to make sure they are safe. Help them feel secure and don't expose them to repeated new coverage of the event. Tonight would be a great time to turn off the TV and have family game night.

Providing  a stable, positive and caring environment is one of the key ingredients to raising a caring, helpful and empathic child.  If you are concerned about your child, and need help, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!!!

Celebrating the Holidays in the Face of Tragedy

Celebrating the Holidays in the Face of Tragedy

by Michelle Herrigel, PsyD

12/18/2012

25 years ago today, exactly one week before Christmas, my mother died suddenly.  As a teenager, this staggering blow came at a time when the tree was already trimmed, Christmas lights were up and the gifts were even wrapped. Needless to say, Christmas was “canceled” that year and my family did the best we could to cope. In the years since, each member of our family has found their own ways to celebrate, and honor her memory. And rightfully so: Christmas was her very favorite holiday.

For many who have been witness to the horrifying events in Newton, CT and the unspeakable losses suffered by those at Sandy Hook Elementary, we are left wondering: How can I laugh and celebrate the holiday season in the fact of this heartbreaking time? As a nation, we grieve for the loss of 26 innocent lives, and ask “Why?” While we may never have answers that help us understand, there are some things to keep in mind during the holiday season to help us both celebrate and keep things in perspective.

*You are allowed to enjoy the holidays… although some people may experience feelings o guilt that they are having fun when so many are suffering.

*The joy and wonder children experience at the holidays is one of the most precious aspects of the season. Maintaining or reconnecting with the real meaning of the holiday for your family may by a way to refocus on what is important and help children understand what is happening.

*Remember that everyone handles loss and grief differently. Each of us will experience a range of emotions. It’s very normal to feel shock, anger, sadness, fear, disbelief, and also experience difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, fatigue or other physical issues. In the short term, these symptoms are very normal and usually resolve with time.

*Allow your family to talk about the tragedy and process it. Listening and addressing concerns, especially of our children, is important. Saying things such as “I will do everything I can to keep you safe” can be a good way to help children feel safe. Avoid telling children that the world is unpredictable and that there’s nothing that can be done.

*Avoid political debates at the holidays.  Gun control and mental health reform at topics best left for the New Year. They have no place at the family holiday celebration.

*It’s perfectly fine to express emotion and sadness. These emotions help send us a signal that we may need to slow down and deal with our own reactions. Children are much more open about their feelings, but as adults, we often bury these feelings in the hustle and bustle of the season. If children express fear or sadness, allow them to discuss it. If they need additional hugs or sleeping with the light on, that’s OK too.

*Maintain a normal routine and traditions. Plan a special way of honoring those lost. Here are some suggestions:

            *Play a special song or poem

            *Hang a special ornament on the tree

            *Light a memory candle in their honor

            *Share cherished memories or wishes for those lost

            *Offer a toast or prayer

            *Volunteer or adopt a family, donate to Toys for Tots in their memory.

           

*Be sure to be kind, both to your self and to others.  The holiday season is one in which we often engage in self-reflection and count our blessings.  Reach out to those in need or family members who have lost their way from the family.

I always tell people, “If you love someone, don’t wait to tell them”.  You will never look back on your life and say “I wish I had not told all those people how much I loved them.”.

Take the opportunity at the holiday season to reconnect, reflect and reaffirm what you hold dear.  

Grief is a normal response to loss. If you or someone you love is grieving and having difficulty coping ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

Nuts and Bolts Series: The Elements of Change

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author Unknown

"Can people really change"?
I invariably answer the question the same way. I believe everyone has the ability to change and grow under the ideal circumstance and with the right approach.

My philosophy and approach to therapy is a practical one, in which the client and therapist partner together to identify strengths, clarify goals, and develop a plan to achieve those goals. Therapy is not something that is administered, the way a medical doctor administers a medicine. It is a journey that one undertakes, a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness that cannot be rivaled. Understanding yourself, and engaging in self-examination, can be one of the most rewarding, and also scariest, tasks of your life. But, as poet Robert Frost states in his work A Servant to Servant "The best way out is always through" - you must take an honest look inside yourself to move forward.

So, what are the elements of change? Obviously these vary from person to person, but we can look at them in three main categories:  Insight, Motivation, and a Tour Guide. Let's look at these one by one:

Insight

In my therapy practice, I often hear a common theme, "My life isn't working", "I am not happy", "I am stuck".  One of the firsts tasks in therapy is to find out what's wrong, what works well, and to begin to  identify goals of therapy.  Insight is a key component of this process. Insight is understanding the specific cause of impact of a certain situation or behavior. For example, a person with low self-esteem may realize that they feel poorly about themselves because they were always put down by a parent. This past hurt has carried over into their feelings and beliefs about themselves in the present day.   Understanding this process is the first step at improving the way we feel about ourselves, and the first step in the journey of changing our lives.

Motivation

Motivation is the desire or interest in doing something. Without motivation, we would not get out of bed, go to work or accomplish our goals. The motivation to change and grow is an important key to therapy. I often hear clients discuss their problems, without real motivation to change. Change is hard, it often hurts, and it's work every bit of the pain to becoming the person you want to be. Patients sometimes realize they have negative patterns or habits in their lives, or they have past hurts they need to heal, but the lack the commitment and motivation to attend therapy sessions or do the hard work that entails.  This is similar to enrolling in a class, but not doing any of the work, and having poor attendance to boot! You won't get your money's worth and certainly won't learn as much as you want.

Tour Guide (aka Psychologist)

The last component to lasting change is someone who has the skills, expertise, compassion and training to serve as your guide in this process. Like the Sherpa who guides the mountain climber at the highest reaches of the Himalayas, the Psychologists uses their knowledge, education, training and intuition to help clients unlock their hidden potential and guides them in solving their life's mysteries.

Different mental health professional have different levels of education, training and experience. Psychologists are often doctoral level professionals, and have the highest level of education and training, often with an internship and research experience. In addition, psychologists have the experience and training to do psychological assessment and testing, such as IQ testing. Other mental health workers, such as licensed social workers, or licensed professional counselors, have a Master's degree and have supervised experience in counseling. Other non licensed professional act as life coaches or executive coaches and often have a certificate and training in coaching.

If you are interested in the exciting process of therapy and self awareness, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!!!

Michelle Herrigel is a licensed psychologists in Northeast PA, serving adolescents, adults and families with a variety of concerns. She currently practices therapy in her Mountainhome, PA office. For more info, or to schedule an appointment, please see her contact info by viewing her profile or contact her at michelleherrigel@gmail.com.




If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

Nuts and Bolts Series: The Common Sense in Family Therapy

There is an old saying that "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree". When you really think about that, it makes a lot of sense that who we ARE largely depends on those who raised us, for better or worse.  As a psychologist, I am often surprised at how many people try to change themselves, or their children, without taking that one fact into account: We are a product of both our genetics and our environment (Nature vs. nurture).  You can't change who your family is, but you can certainly improve those strained family relationships and create a more peaceful and harmonious environment in the home. 

This blog will briefly outline the nuts and bolts of family therapy and explain what you can expect when you schedule your first appointment with the psychologist.

I have experienced many intakes where parents have the same request:  "Fix my kid".  But what most adults fail to realize, is that "fixing" a child is a much more monumental task than simply having their child in the office, or setting up a star chart on the wall. Insomuch as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, there is another, equally important premise, that "it takes a village to raise a child".

Each member of the family plays an important and influential role in the development of the child, and the interplay between family members is often the most telling benchmark of the functioning of the entire family.   I have often found that after months of therapy I can have just one family session and learn more about that person and the situation in the ONE SESSION with other family members.

Family therapy, is a very powerful, and often complex, form of counseling that includes all members of the family in the session to view the issue that's brought them in for treatment, from many completely different angles.  The first task of the psychologist is to understand each of these viewpoints, and work to help each member of the family come to a place of better understanding, improved communication, and increased tolerance.

Families seek help from a psychologist for many reasons - a traumatic event such as a family loss or illness, addiction issues within a specific family member, behavioral challenges or even simple communication difficulties. No matter the type or size of the problem, family strife and conflict is both stressful and anxiety-provoking. Here are some quick facts about family therapy to help you get started:

1.  Family therapy is often short term. Most treatments last less than six months.

2. Family therapy is often focused on family relationships or communication patterns within the family. Poor communication is like faulty wiring in your wall.  At best, it can cause crossed signals, at worst it can cause a blow up or fire. Therapy can help sort out these patterns and improve communication habits in the family.

3. At times, individual family members will participate in their own therapy to address concerns specific to them.

4. Family therapy sessions can last around 60 to 90 minutes, depending upon your family's specific situation and issues presented to the psychologist.

5.  The family will set goals and learn to meet specific challenges through this experience. Your family will learn new ways to interact and understand each other to overcome unhealthy or damaging patterns of relating to each other.

6.  Family therapy will focus on finding the family's strengths to build a strong foundation for addressing problems and crisis situations.

7. The psychologist will create a safe environment in which family members can express their feelings and work out issues. Ground rules will be set from the first session.

It's important to realize that therapy should not be entered into lightly. It's hard work, but well worth the effort. All therapy involves an honest exploration of yourself, and family therapy is no exception. If you are struggling with family concerns, or believe that your family could benefit from therapy, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

Michelle Herrigel is a licensed psychologists in Northeast PA, serving adolescents, adults and families with a variety of concerns. She currently practices therapy in her Mountainhome, PA office. For more info, or to schedule an appointment, please see her contact info by viewing her profile or contact her at michelleherrigel@gmail.com.

I am 42!!!

Counseling Corner, since its inception in April of 2010, has had the mission of providing important mental health information to its readers in a clear, straightforward manner. It has covered topics from Social Networking for Dummies (Novermber 2010) to Handling Road Rage (April 2010) to lighthearted topics such as Let's Get Flyered Up! (June 2010). More recent topics have covered suicide prevention, stress management and Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Please feel free to explore my Blogspot site, and watch for new Blogs to be posted here --> http://michelleherrigelpsyd.blogspot.com/.

I am proud to say that this is my 42nd blog, (and consequently its' my 42nd year!) and my mission still remains the same: To let you know about important mental health concerns is a clear, understandable way, with no psychobabble. If you have a specific topic you would like me to discuss, or have  question, please feel free to contact me at MichelleHerrigel@gmail.com. I would be happy take requests.

Thank you for your loyalty and kind comments over these last two years. I hope to continue to entertain and educate you for many more years to come!

Michelle

This is your brain.....

Motorcycle accidents. Football. Military Combat. Falls or accidents at work. Boxing. What do these three things have in common?

They are all ways that the human body and brain take a beating. 

But what you may not know, aside from the physical toll that these injuries can take, the stakes are even higher. The facts is that brain injuries can lead to serious mental illness, including depression, memory deficits, anxiety, personality changes, aggression, impulsivity, increased substance abuse, acting out, and even suicide. In addition, undiagnosed brain injuries may account for some learning disorders and other cognitive deficits. Some psychological problems have a physical basis or can be worsened by such an injury

The recent suicide of Junior Seau, NFL superstar, has brought this issue into the spotlight once again.  Let's talk about some facts regarding brain injuries, and how this increasingly alarming issue is being addressed by the NFL, the Military and high schools around the country. .

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), brain injury is defined as a disruption in the functioning of the brain. This disruption can be long-term or temporary, and can have effects that last anywhere from a few hours, to a lifetime of permanent impairment. The brain injury occurs when there is an injury, called an "insult" that is severe enough to impact the brain. This injury, sometimes referred to as a "Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)" differs from other types of brain injuries, such as stroke, tumors, infection, substance abuse, hypoxia or other illnesses.

Diagnosis of brain injuries can vary from a simple physical exam, to an MRI or other neurological testing and assessment. The most important thing to remember is, that while most falls and bumps on the head do not lead to a traumatic brain injury, early detection and treatment is a key to full recovery. When in doubt, get checked out!

Many psychologists are now being trained to assess injuries in sports and to make return to play recommendations. A trained health care professional is the most qualified person to conduct this evaluation, whether is be a physician trained in assessment of neurocognitive functioning, or a licensed psychologist.

Treatment for brain injuries, sometimes referred to as "Cognitive remediation" can range from simple reading and memory exercises to help the brain recover, to intensive cognitive therapy, and strategies to help memory and with daily activities, such as using a daily planner, making lists, using timers and visual cues, and using the computer to help keep track.

Recovery from a brain injury, traumatic or otherwise, is unique to each individual. This is based on a multitude of factors, such as location and severity of the injury, and the course of treatment and support are critical in the recovery and rehabilitation process. In many cases, especially in the case of violent crime, accidents and military trauma, the brain injury often overlaps with Post traumatic stress disorder, which can further worsen symptoms. This can also complicate the diagnostic and treatment course for both disorders.


Here is a small sampling of efforts to address brain injuries in various areas...

NFL:
*Players are fined for head-to-head hits
*The NFL has committed to spending up to 100 million over the next 10 years in research into the long term impact of brain injuries
*Chronic traumatic encephalopathy has been found in players in post mortem studies of the brain.
*Helmet safety is being examined
*Review of the three-point stance

Pennsylvania:
*The Brain Injury Association of Pennsylvania (BIAPA) has formed the BrainSTEPS program to ensure that children returning to school following a brain injury have the support and training they need
(the BrainSTEPS fact sheet can be found  here http://www.biapa.org/atf/cf/%7BE07F6363-A589-41AA-B9C1-990FEE288F44%7D/Fact_Sheet_rev_08192008.pdf)
*PA has introduced legislation which would require a player who has sustained a concussion or brain injury to not return to play unless cleared by a licensed health-care provider
*Trained licensed health care professionals, including psychologists, can make return-to-play decisions

Military:
*The military has stepped up efforts to detect and treat head injuries before soldiers return to combat
*Soldiers are screened to develop a baseline to compare against at points along their career to help detect brain injuries


If you have suffered a brain injury and are struggling, go to  your local doctor or emergency room. To help a loved one cope following an injury, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

5 Ways to Deal with Difficult People

Maybe you have someone in your life like this: That "friend" who always has to "outdo" you or put you down; The co-worker who always takes credit for your work; That cousin who calls and you feel exhausted when you get off the phone; or that parent who constantly makes comments about your spouse, your life choices, or your home. Research shows that we all need relationships and that good ones are good for our mental health. But what about those other people, the ones who, after a long conversation or day at work, leave you feeling depressed, depleted and drained?

We all have difficult people we encounter every day in our lives. Today's Counseling Corner will hopefully give you some tips and ideas to deal with these people and minimize their negative impact on your life.  There are many more than these 5, but it's a great start.

1. The first, most important thing to do when dealing with a difficult person, is to accept them for who they are.  Easier said than done, right? For sure. But if you can do this one simple, but extremely difficult step, it will improve your happiness, and decrease your frustration SIGNIFICANTLY.  Understanding that we cannot change people, and we can only be responsible for our own behavior, can change your life - for the better. Trying to change others into what you want them to be, will only make YOU a more difficult person to deal with.

2. See the best in others. If you focus on the negative, you will only see the negative in people. It's like the old saying "If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail". When you only see the negative, all of your interactions become focused on this aspect of the person. If you can see the positive, the person will be more appreciated, your relationship will become deeper and more meaningful, and the level of conflict will decrease.

3. Keep it simple, silly (KISS them!).  Keep conversations simple and neutral in topic. If you have that one uncle who always tries to bait you into a debate about politics or that friend who always talks about her personal problems and won't take any advice, change the subject to something more immediate, such as what they are doing for the weekend, or how their family is doing. Changing the pattern of communication can go a long way to making improvements in relationships.

4. Own your part of the negativity. Most relationships are created through a "dynamic" between two people. There's an old saying "It takes two" could not be more true. But don't beat yourself up, nobody is perfect and we can all find room for growth and improvement. Just be aware that when you own, and consequently change, your end of the dynamic, the other person may respond with increased negativity and try to push your limits.

5.  There is a Zen proverb that says "Let go or be dragged". There occasionally comes a time that you need some space, time or distance when relationships become too intense, draining or negative. If you can't be around the person without them baiting your or bullying you, it may be time to move on. It's perfectly fine to cut ties, and to let them know why without any expectation of understanding or change on their part. If this is your co-worker or supervisor, you may actually need to switch jobs. It's OK to move on and it's not a sign of any failure. 

These are just give quick tips for handing difficult relationships. Couples or family therapy can be a great way to gain assistance in changing relationships for the better. If you are having difficulty in your relationships, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

That's it! I'm quitting Facebook!!

I have heard this statement time and time again: "That's it!! I am done with Facebook! As of so and such date, I will be deleting my profile." And so they disappear...only to reappear in days, or weeks after a much needed break.

As many faithful Counseling Corner followers know, I am an avid Social Networker. One MIGHT even say addicted. (But I won't admit to that!). Some ask me why I am so active and even laugh about my posts. My uncle recently told me that he doesn't read all the crap I post on Facebook. I actively maintain a Twitter account, THREE Facebook accounts (one personal, one professional page and I am an administrator of my work's page as well), LinkedIn, Google+, Counseling Corner, Pinterest, Etsy, and about 6 different email accounts (and I'm sure I'm forgetting something).  I'll bet you wonder if I even sleep....

I originally joined Facebook, reluctantly, in order to stay connected to family and friends across the world, many of whom are serving in the military. Facebook has been an invaluable tool to keep up with what is happening in their lives, as well as the lives of my children and, now, grandchildren. In the process, I have reconnected with many of my friends and acquaintances from school and have repeatedly had the world get smaller and smaller when I discovered that two of my (seemingly unrelated) friends know each other! And that's just plain fun. In my professional life, networking is just that, an opportunity to branch out, market myself, and maintain a public presence.

I am here to tell you how you can use Social Media to 1) stay in touch with family and friends, 2) express your individuality and creativity, 3) network and market your (business, jewelry, Blog, etc), 4) have a great time and laugh every day.  All this? Yes, and even learn how to manage your time so that you can still actually have a life.  Do you need to cancel your Facebook and denounce Twitter? No.  Do you need to have a simple strategy and some self control?  Absolutely.  Read on....

1. Social media is a choice. Plain and simple. If you don't want to use it, don't.  You will experience peer pressure and ridicule (just kidding), but you have the right to say no. It's a personal decision.  Additionally, your level of involvement is also your own choice. People tell me all the time they are keeping up with me on Facebook, and I never see them post a thing.  You can have as many, or as few, connections as you'd like.

2.  It is increasingly important to learn about what you are using. So many people become frustrated when they feel that Facebook is invading their privacy.  Simple knowledge about privacy settings can make all the difference.  I have heard people say "Facebook posted this and such.".  SOCIAL NETWORKING, people. It's the whole point. Educate yourself about privacy settings and how to protect your photos, and personal information.  

3. Set aside time each day to check your accounts. So many of us hit that refresh button every 3 minutes to see if any new emails came in, or if there are any new posts. This type of thing can be the biggest time killer and each time you change your focus to check, you have lost several minutes of productivity. To easily train yourself, you will have to have discipline at first. As silly as it sounds, develop a strategy and plan. (for example, I will only check Facebook at lunch one time, and not for the rest of the work day. Or, set a timer for yourself with regard to checking email, one per hour, or some other scheduled time frame).  You will be shocked at how easy it is and how rewarded you will feel.

4. Turn off the computer (What? Did I just say that? yes, STEP AWAY FROM THAT MOUSE!). Decide each day what scheduled time you will spend online. And then, TURN IT OFF.  This will allow you to spend some actual face to face time with your family and friends. Go have a life that you can post on your status or tweet about tomorrow.

5.  If you are feeling burned out on social media, it's perfectly fine to take a break. Sometimes we become very enmeshed in what is happening in our online world, and its inevitable that drama will ensue.  Just "click and close". It will be there tomorrow, next week or next month when you come back.  I occasionally find that I am awake at 3am checking email. If you do this, the answer is simple: Keep your phone out of reach of the bed. Sleep is important, folks.

6.  Along the same lines as 5. above, do not play out personal issues or drama on social media. Many folks post every personal argument and issue they have with their family and friends.  These generally become the people who make the statement that is the title of this Blog. Keep your personal business, well, personal. In fact, if you MUST post personal things, there are ways to designate a core group to share those issues with (if you want to know how, ask me). Your coworkers and boss don't need to know about the fight you had with Sally last night at the club.

7. People who post on Facebook or Twitter can be extremely negative, or totally positive about everything. Some people say they feel bad about their own lives because everyone on Facebook is so awesome, beautiful, blessed and happy.  Keep in mind that out of 24 hours, people post ONE THING that happened that day. I am always glad to see people happy and posting positive things.  That does not mean they don't have the same troubles and concerns that we all have. They just don't dwell on them.... Good for them.

8. Keep it in perspective. There are much more important things in life than Social Networking. Family, Friends, Pets and actually getting outside in the sunshine from time to time. The Internet and all sites are there are out entertainment and networking. Don't forget to live.

9. Finally, use responsibly. Remember, what goes on the Internet stays there. More and more, prospective employers, and even colleges are using Google to find out about you. Go ahead, open a new browser window and Google yourself. You may be surprised. You can't take it back once it's out there. Be cautious but not paranoid. It can be a good thing if you use it correctly. 

As always, I am happy to be able to provide this valuable information to you.  If you are having difficulty with moderation, or with any of life's challenges, there is help available.  ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!!

Ten Tips for Talking to Kids about Child Sexual Abuse

The recent headline screams “Paterno Fired”, fans and alumni are shocked, outraged, and heartbroken at the news, that Joe Paterno, “Joe Pa” to many, coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions for decades, was released from his duties due to allegations that he failed to take appropriate action to address alleged sexual abuse of children by one of the long time members of his coaching staff.  Sandusky has been indicted on multiple counts of child sexual abuse, and the Happy Valley is in collective shock.  While many say that Paterno acted within the law, others maintain that he did not do the right thing and seemed to turn a blink eye. 

As we watch the news, again, in our faces, our kids are curious.  “Mom, why did they fire Coach Paterno?” “Dad, what is sexual assault?” and “Why did that man hurt those kids?” In a recent conversation with a friend, we discussed this issue, and he discuss how he turned this tragedy into an  opportunity to talk to his kids about child sexual abuse and doing the right thing.

Within the tragedy that surrounds this story, as parent, you can take the opportunity to talk to your kids, educate them about abuse, and teach them how to protect themselves and their friends if they encounter abusive behavior. (DISCLAIMER: Discussions with your child will differ based on their age, maturity level and comfort level. Do not give your child more information than they are ready to handle).

Ten Tips for Talking to Kids about Child Sexual Abuse:

 1. In explaining sexual abuse to your children, it is important to be clear, factual and brief. Speaking to children about sensitive sexual issues is difficult at best, and in this instance, keeping it short and sweet (KISS) is the rule of thumb.

2.  Give your children factual information about sexuality and appropriate behavior.  Teach them that nobody should touch their private parts, and about different roles of adults in their lives (i.e. a doctor may ask them to remove their shirt, but not the neighbor).  Be sure to use proper names for body parts and ensure that kids know what private parts are.

3.  Teach children that some actions are against the law, and that any sexual activity between an adult and a child is illegal.

2. Give your child time to express their feelings, concerns and as questions. Keeping the lines of communication open is a key. Let your child know that you are available to answer their questions or discuss their fears, even after the conversation is over. This is an opportunity to have a conversation that can open doors for your child to communicate with you.

3. While it is important for children to “not talk to strangers”, telling your kids this common rule is not enough. The troubling fact remains that most sexual abusers are known to their victims and their families.

4. Do not force your children to hug or kiss relatives when they are uncomfortable. Children need to develop their own comfort level with touch, and their own instincts to refrain from touch are important to honor.

5. Tell your children that they should never get into a car with an adult without your permission.

6.  Make an effort to know your children’s friends and their parents, teachers, coaches, clergy and other older kids and adults in their lives.  While this is important, be aware that many predators are close to their victim’s families.

7. If your child expresses discomfort with staying at someone’s house or visiting someone, listen to your child and honor their feelings. This is not to say that you should assume something is wrong, but parents should always be vigilant and aware of the older kids and adults in their child’s life.

 8. Tell your kids how to yell "Stop” and go tell an adult if anyone hurts or touches them inappropriately. In addition, showing them private parts, pornographic videos or photos is inappropriate and they should report this to a trusted adult immediately.  Instruct kids of who the adults are that they can tell and what they should report. Have them choose 3 or 4 adults that they trust so they know who to go to that will listen to their concerns.

 9. Tell your kids that if they observe someone hurting others, it’s ok to tell, and to yell “stop”. Teaching kids to stand up for themselves and others can help them feel more confident and can be a deterrent to becoming the victim of bullies.

 10.  Explain to children that some children and adults have a “touching problem” and explain that they need help so that they can stop touching. Refrain from explaining by calling it a “sickness”. Furthermore, teach children that people with these problems may try to get them to keep a secret and might even give them gifts, candy, video games, clothes, money threats of hurting family or telling others.

If you have been the victim of sexual abuse, you have concerns about your child, or you have any questions, you should ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

Special Guest Blogger: Things I Never Thought I Would Say to My Three Year Old

In February, our household grew exponentially, with the addition of my step-son, daughter in law, three year old Tristan, and one year old Colleen, two extra cats (making a total of FOUR four legged felines!) and a partridge in a pear tree. Life sure has changed, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!! I am enjoying being a mum-mum of having a houseful....here is a special guest blog by Tim....enjoy!!

When I was growing up I was told many things by my mother. Don’t touch the hot stove, don’t run with scissors, and stop making that face, or it will stick that way. On average I would have to say that most kids have heard that, or similar things as they were growing up. Those phrases heard through out your childhood, are what I consider a staple in our society; the very things I expected to be saying to my children.

 After many years my wife and I produced a child, a boy to be exact. Tristan is his name, and is very much like I was when I was a child. Doing the exact opposite of what you tell him to do, among a variety of other activities. Some activities are more dangerous than others obviously, but now I’m just rambling, on to the point.

One day I came into the living room from the kitchen to find my son on all fours trailing behind one of my cats. Much to my dismay, he had his nose right in the rear end of the cat. Of course you can imagine what ensued after that. Yep you guessed it “Get your nose out of the cats butt.” I said to him. He then looked up at me and asked,” Why? The cats smell each others butts.” I responded by telling him,” You’re not a cat.” We went back and forth for a few minutes then, I realized… I was arguing with a three year old. I quickly reminded him who was boss and told him that if he did it again he’d get a time out for it.

That was the beginning of a long line of things; I never thought I’d have to say to my three year old.


Timothy Louis is a 10 year Air Force veteran who recently relocated to the Newfoundland, PA area and is pursuing his Bachelor's Degree in Engineering. His essay "Things I Never Thought I Would Say to My Three Year Old" is a special to the Counseling Corner Blog. Hopefully it will become a regular feature!

September 11: 10 Years Later How to Live a Life Free of Fear

Terrorism is a sad fact of life for our generation. It has changed the way we think, the way we perceive our neighbors, how we travel, and how we live our everyday lives. How can you live a life free of fear?

On 9/11, our nation faced a serious and sobering truth: We are vulnerable to violence within our own borders. Terrorism is not just something that we see on the news, occurring in foreign countries. It's important to know that you can take control of your own fear, while remaining cautious and alert.

The best way you can conquer your fear is to arm yourself with knowledge and information. Next, some basic ways to be prepared and be alert will help you feel more secure. Preparing yourself for ANY emergency or disaster will help you feel more in control. And finally, a few simple strategies to help you relax and avoid focusing on fearful thoughts, can help you calm your fears when they arise.

Understand Terrorism and its Psychology

*The goal of terrorism is to create fear and terror in a nation’s population in order to achieve political goals. While we must be alert and aware of our surroundings, we cannot give in to the fear and hide. This will simply reinforce the terrorists goals and they win (and we KNOW that, as Americans, we don't like to lose!)

*It is true that a lot has changed in our country, and the world, following 9/11. Educate yourself about changes in security. Knowing why these changes have been made and how they can help keep us safe is important, so that you don't feel that we are having your rights taken away.

*Above all, it's important to realize that there are people whose job is to keep track of these threats and take action to foil terrorist plots. Indeed, most terrorists plans are foiled by vigilance and good detective work. People like us can help by being aware and reporting things that don't seem "right" to the proper authorities and local police.

Understand the Odds

*While you may be anxious and worry that you will be the victim of a terrorist attack, the actual risk is very small. You are more likely to be injured in a car accident than be the victim of an attack. Your energy should be focused on the present circumstance and safety doing everyday things such as driving and walking down the street.

*Be prepared for ALL emergencies. As we have seen in the last month, you can be exposed to a variety of crises, such as earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding. Being prepared for any of the scenarios is important. Have an emergency plan to communicate with family and friends, stock up on extra food and water, have an ample supply of medicines, etc. This can greatly minimize your anxiety and help you take control.

Understand anxiety and how to decrease it

Here are some commonsense ways to handle anxiety:

*Make sure you get plenty of rest and sleep. Lack of sleep can lead to increased anxiety and increased caffeine intake, which can make you feel more anxious and jittery.

*Exercise has been shown to decrease anxiety and life your mood, and improve your overall health.

*Avoid excess sugar and caffeine.

*Take a relaxing warm bath.

*Practice meditation or deep breathing exercises...the body cannot have an anxiety attack if you are breathing deeply.

*Simplify your schedule and prioritize your responsibilities.

*Engage in activities you enjoy, sports, hobbies and spending time with friends and family can increase your positive emotions and decrase anxiety. (Go PHILLIES!)

*Talk to a friend. Talking can be one of the best ways to get "out of your head" and express how you are feeling.

While I can't guarantee that you will always be 100% worry-free, using the strategies I have shared can help decrease your level of anxiety and allow you to live without the deep fear that can accompany events such as 9/11. If you are having a difficult time coping, and don't know where to turn, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

September 11: 10 Years Later - Talking to Chidren about 9/11

Today's installment of Counseling Corner takes a look at how to talk to your children about September 11, and about terrorism in general.

As we, through this difficult and emotional week leading up to the 10th Anniversary of the terrorist attacks on Sunday, please consider these important issues when interacting with our children.

1. Children may have no interest or little understanding of what is going on. Remember, that while 9/11 changed the world and the way we live in it, children under 10 have no frame of reference for this, and children under 5 probably don't have a clear memory of that day.  It has simply been the world they live in. Do not assume they know what the world was like pre-September 11, or what happened that day.

2.  Monitor what your child is watching on television and on the Internet. As always, be aware of what your child is watching on television or viewing on the Internet. You can set your DVR to pre-record newscasts so that you screen them for your children, and be prepared to answer questions about what they see. Better yet, turn off the tube for the week, and go do something fun with your kids! We can very easily get sucked back into watching the news stories and images all over again.

3. Find out what your child knows before talking about 9/11 or terrorism. We may assume that because it was such an earth-shattering event, that everyone knows about 9/11 and terrorism. Children may have knowledge about this, but assessing how much they know before giving them detailed information is critical. Moreover, what you tell them will depend on their age, maturity level, and knowledge.

4. Listen to your child and let him know you understand his feelings. Don't feel like you have to talk and talk, sometimes it is best to just sit and listen. Hearing scary stories and seeing violent images can cause children to feel fearful and can even cause nightmares. Listening to your child and letting them know you understand how they feel ("You seem to be afraid by what you heard. I will keep you safe").

5. Answer her questions. Children may have questions - even some questions we can't answer. Be honest, keep it simply, and use accurate but non-emotional or violent language. If you don't know the answer, say so. You don't have to know it all.

6. Keep to routines and schedules. Kids need routines and need to know what to expect. Even though this week may contain special events, or telecasts, it's important to keep the focus at home.  Allowing children to watch their normal television shows, helping with homework and keeping to set bedtimes is important in developing a sense of safety and security.

7.  Allow children to be children!  Gt your children outside to play, run and get out excess energy. As a general rule, not just this week, kids need physical exercise and to develop play skills, teamwork, sharing and imagination. Exercise can also help with sleep and decrease anxiety. Limit television to a few favorite, appropriate shows.

8. Let your son or daughter know that they are safe. Children need to feel safe and secure. Reassure them that you will keep them safe from harm and will worry about those bad things, so they dont' have to. Sometimes, just a hug can help children feel secure and loved.

9. If your child is having nightmares, is fearful  to leave the house, or is otherwise having difficulties, and you don't know what to do, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

The link below will take you to a video starring Linda Ellerbee called “What Happened? The Story of September 11, 2001.” and aired on YouTube and Nickelodeon website to address children and explaining what happened on 9/11. This video was created through a partnership between Nickelodeon and the American Psychological Association. Please note how this video gives an honest and clear explanation of the event, but also focuses on the positives, those saved, and the spirit of the New Yorkers on that day.

You can view the Press Release discussing the video as well as the video below. (Clicking this link will take you away from Counseling Corner).

http://www.nick.com/videos/clip/nick-news-what-happened-the-true-story-of-september-11th-full-episode.html

September 11: 10 Years Later

As we approach the 10th Anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, Pentagon and Shanksville, we will reflect on what happened on that tragic day, and remember. This will involve a renewed focus on the video footage of the planes hitting the Towers. Indeed, in watching television yesterday, I was reminded of the shocking moment of impact. It made me very sad, but also aware that I have not been so jaded that it no longer had an effect.

As we look back, from a psychological perspective, we must take into account several things.

1) Many of our children are too young to remember, and are seeing it for the first time. They may have questions, feel scared, and rely on YOU, as their parents and caregivers, to provide an explanation, assurance and safety.
2) Terrorism is a fact of life for our generation. It has changed the way we think, the way we perceive our neighbors, how we travel, and how we live our everyday lives.  How can you live a life free of fear?
3) Many of those who witnessed the attacks, even on television, have suffered a traumatic reaction. What is Post Traumatic Stress and how can it be treated?

As we embark on this emotional week, let's reflect, remember, and learn. I hope you will follow my blog this week and that you find something helpful in it.  As always, if you or someone you know needs help, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST.

Guest Blog: Autism from a Mother's Perspective

This is a special guest blog by a good friend who has a son diagnosed with Autism. She has agreed to share her story:

When I was asked me to write something about having a son with autism, I agreed, though, now its hard putting into words what I need to express.   My son, Ralphie, was 3 when he was diagnosed with Autism. The reason we had him evaluated that he wasn't speaking. If he wanted something he "grunted!" I think the words will haunt my mind forever: The doctor just sitting there, saying those words, like he was stating the weather. He showed NO emotion. The thoughts that ran through my mind.."MY SON..MY ONLY SON".

Let me go back a minute: When I found out I was pregnant, with a boy..I was beyond thrilled!! A son..I always dreamed of having a son, now that dream was coming true!!  The doctor that diagnosed Ralphie, told us (in the flattest tone), that "our boy was never going to be normal..never walk right, never talk, forget all the "normal" things"!! Can you imagine??? I couldn't either!

I can't begin, to tell you, the amount of money (thank GOD for insurance), and the time we spent taking Ralphie to therapist, after therapist, after therapist!! Now, don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about it. I praise those therapists, for all they gave Ralphie A CHANCE...

For me..the day that Ralphie looked-up at me, and called me..MOM..was...How do explain to anyone what it was like? Tears still stream down my face when I recall this. My baby boy, who never would talk, said the doctor, called me MOM!!

We had to fight the school system to get Ralphie the education he needed. They wanted to just "throw" him in Special Education. To clap his hands and sing songs. Come on, is that for real? He needed to be part of the classes, and learn just as other "normal" children learned!!

Needless to say we got what Ralphie needed. Yes, he had a parent pro go with him to many of his classes. And yes, he did go to Special Education, classes when he needed it.

Today my baby boy, 17, is a man. He is in the 10th grade and is doing great on his own!!!   He walks, and talks just like the other kids, and at times even needs to be told to shut-up. Not one person can explain to me, what "normal" is - Ralphie may not do all the "normal" things a 17 year old does, but that does not make him "not normal"?

People talk of finding a "cure".  IF there was a "pill, or cure", for Autism, WOULD I NOT LOOSE THE RALPHIE THAT IS HERE IN FRONT OF ME????  Not all "cures" are solutions. .People want to "cure" autism, cause they cant "deal" with what was dealt them.  GOD gave us these children for a reason..what that reason is, I'M not sure, but, when I look at Ralphie I see "normal".  With all the things that I've seen in this world, Ralphie is as "NORMAL", as they come!

I will always wonder if it was my fault that Ralphie turned out this way.  Not a single person can change my mind on this one thing:  I will only say I was BLESSED with what I have!

What every parent needs to know about Autism Part 2

This is Part 2 of a 4 part series spotlighting National Autism Awareness Month

Autism is one of the five Pervasive Developmental Disorder, which is in a group of Disorders that are referred to as Disorders Usually Diagnosed in Infancy, Childhood, and Adolescence listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, (DSM-IV).  Autism is normally diagnosed in childhood, and early detection and intervention are an important key to a favorable prognosis.

If you have met one child with Autism, you have met one child with Autism.

Autism can appear very different in each child. In spite of the stereotypical portrayal of individuals with Autism in the popular media (Rain Man), each person is just that, a person.  In working with children and adults with Autism and other Intellectual and Developmental Disorders, I have learned the importance of what is called "person-first" language.  For example, saying "that autistic girl", one would say "my neighbor Sally likes to watch movies, and she has Autism".  In this way, a diagnosis of Autism, or anything else (i.e. Schizophrenia, Depression) does not define the person.  After all, you would not say "My Republican neighbor" or "My black haired neighbor" because these are simply characteristics of those people and do not define their identity. 

Some common issues that are present in most individuals with Autism are difficulties with communication, social skills, and restricted interests and repetitive patterns of behavior. The Autism Speaks website features a Video Glossary that is designed to provide professionals and families with video representations of children of varying ages, both typically developing and with Autism. This Glossary helps depict early red flags and diagnostic features of Autism. The Glossary can be found at the following link:

http://www.autismspeaks.org/video/glossary.php

Co-Occurring Disorders

Estimates are that up to 75% of those with Autism also have Intellectual Disabilities. In addition to Intellectual Disabilities, those with Autism are often faced with co-occurring depression, OCD, anxiety and trauma. These are often untreated and can contribute to difficulties in social and work settings. Individuals with Autism and other disabilities are also at great risk for abuse and neglect.

Treatment and intevention: initial issues
It is important that treatment have the following characteristics:

1) Treatment needs to begin early.  As soon as you believe your child may have delays in any area, see a pediatrician or developmental psychologist immediately. The sooner intervention can begin, the better;
2) Treatment needs to be a team approach. Family, teachers, psychologists, and other professionals (occupational therapist, speech therapist, physical therapist, etc), need to be involved in developing a strong and comprehensive plan to address each area of need, and to build upon your child's strengths and talents;
3) Parents should educate themselves about advocacy, and how you can obtain all services and support that your child needs;
4)  In home support, as well as support in school, should take a comprehensive approach that provides consistency and develops skills.

Part 3 of this series will focus on transitional issues into adulthood, and will outline concerns specific to individuals with Autism in adulthood throughout the lifespan. Part 4 will be a special guest blog by a parent of a young man with Autism.

If you have a child that you suspect has Autism, do not wait to get help. Early intervention is a key. 

ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

What every parent needs to know about Autism

This is part of a 4 part series about Autism.

The Backstory

On May 21, 1991, I embarked on what would become a lifelong passion and journey that changed my life in more ways that I can ever explain. For sure, it pointed the way for the rest of my career: This was the date that I first began working at The Devereux Kanner Center, in West Chester, PA. As a psychology major, I needed to complete a Field Experience for a course in Human Development. As I walked through the Sykes Union Center, I happened upon a job fair, where is met a woman who was at a table with applications. “What is this Devereux place?” I asked. At that time, I never planned to work with adults with Autism and other Intellectual Disabilities, which is generally the way all the best things in life come: unexpected and unplanned.

What is Autism?

Autism is a developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life. It is a neurological disorder that affects the normal development and of the brain. The major areas affected are social and communication skills. Autism is one of 5 Pervasive Developmental Disorders (Autism, Asperger’s Disorder, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Rhett’s Disorder and Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified).

While experts do not know the specific cause of autism, research suggests that it is a genetic disorder. What we DO KNOW is that autism is not caused by parenting style, nor is it caused by childhood vaccines. Research findings on the causes of autism have yielded inconsistent findings, but it is clear that there are a variety of abnormalities in the structure and chemicals in the brain.

Prevalence of Autism

Autism is found in all racial, social, ethnic, economic and geographic group. It knows no boundaries and can affect any family. The most recent statistics were reported by the CDC and state that Autism affects 1 in 110 children and 1 in 70 boys.


The most recent statistic are believed to be a dramatic under representation of the real statistics due to those who are not receiving services, have been misdiagnosed or were never formally diagnosed. In 2005, there were a total of 19,862 individuals who are diagnosed with Autism. At that time, it was estimated that there would be 25,000 in 2010. The following map depicts the prevalence by county:

What should parents look out for?

About half of all parents of children with Autism note that their child’s behaviors are unusual by approximately a year and a half. 80% are aware by 24 months.  Research has shown that early intervention is a key component of a good prognosis, and the earlier, the better.  If you see any of the following symptoms, see a psychologist as soon as possible:

3 - 4 mos old with no eye contact
12 months old with no babbling
12 months old with no pointing or waving goodbye
16 months old with no single words
24 months old with no two-word phrases
ANY loss of language skills or social skills, at ANY age

The next blog will include symptoms and behaviors associated with Autism.  If you suspect someone you know has Autism, or your child is displaying any delays, ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!

Counseling Corner Extra: Do Vaccines Cause Autism?

There has been a great debate in the media about the belief that childhood vaccines cause autism.  Dr. Andrew Wakefield completed research that was later found to have fatal flaws. To date, there is no concrete proof that vaccines are the cause of autism.  To read more about this issue, click here.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/autism_studies.html#cat20029

Is something wrong with my kid? How to deal with behavioral problems in kids.

How do I get my child to LISTEN? Why won't she do what I ask? Is he normal?  Many parents have the same fears and concerns. The good news is that most childhood behavior problems are not lasting.  And even better news is that parents can do some concrete things to help teach their child how to behave. This article is meant as a brief overview for parents to outline what options may be available for your child. For more detailed information, several websites provide information about issues and a licensed psychologist who specializes in behavior can be very helpful.

Over the last decade, the number of children diagnosed with attentional disorders, behavior disorders and autism spectrum disorders has skyrocketed, leaving many parents feeling afraid, frustrated and alone. In addition to this, the prescription of psychiatric medication to treat these disorder has risen over the last 20 years, and many parents have serious misgivings about using medication to manage behavior. It is true that some children truly benefit from the use of medication, for ADHD in particular, however this cannot be a replacement for a clear and consistent parenting approach.  The decision to use medication is a personal one, and I have several friends who wish to forgo the medication in favor of staying the course with behavioral and educational approaches.

As a psychologist and behavior specialist, I am often asked to give parents advice about how to deal with their unruly or troubled kids. Here are some practical tips for assessment and treatment. 

Children experience stress from many sources. These include academic performance, friendships, managing expectation from parents and teachers, and peer pressure. Stress, in general, can be a positive thing - it provides the motivation we need to get up when the alarm goes off, to study the spelling list for the quiz, and to play with other children appropriately. When stress becomes overwhelming, it can take its toll, causing hardship, behavioral problems, and emotional distress. Knowing what behavioral clues to look for can be half the battle. As a parent, things to watch for include:

• crying
• avoiding things he/she used to enjoy
• fearful reactions
• clingy behavior
• irritability or moodiness
• sleep problems
• eating issues
• complaining about or avoiding school

It's important to remember that kids all develop at their own pace and that all children (and adults for that matter) have a bad day from time to time. In addition, stressful events such as a move, divorce, additional of a sibling, or loss of a pet, can have an impact on kids.  It is perfectly normal for children to have high energy levels. Then when should you be concerned?

• your child's behavior is disruptive
• interrupts her interaction with other children
• showing signs of social withdrawal
• has difficulty focusing his attention
• impulsive or aggressive behavior

If your child's behavior is not appropriate for his/her age, if it is a pattern of ongoing behavior, or it is interfering with his/her growth, education or development, it may be time to consult a professional. Medication is just one option that may be explored, and you should be sure educate yourself about possible benefits and side effects of any medication. The prescribing physician (preferably a child psychiatrist) will tell you the information about the drug and the ultimate decision is yours. If you choose to pass on the medication, other options are available. These may include:

• behavioral treatment, which would be tailored for your child.
• parent education
• social skills training
• family support services
• in home services

 If you or someone you know needs help or is in trouble ASK A PSYCHOLOGIST!